Author | Subject: Government Contracting Glossary |
unknown | Posted At 07:56:29 02/21/2000
GOVERNMENT CONTRACTING GLOSSARY CONTRACTOR: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. BID OPENING: A poker game in which the losing hand wins. BID: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. LOW BIDDER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven. PROJECT MANAGER: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union. CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control. OSHA: A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney; usually applied at random with a shotgun. STRIKE: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken. DELAYED PAYMENT: A tourniquet applied at the pockets. COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin. LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible. AUDITOR: Person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded. LAWYER: Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies. |
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