Government Contracting Glossary

Author Subject: Government Contracting Glossary
unknown Posted At 07:56:29 02/21/2000

CONTRACTOR: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
BID OPENING: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
BID: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
LOW BIDDER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.
ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.
PROJECT MANAGER: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician
is in a different union.

CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt
under perfect control.

OSHA: A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print,
red tape, split hairs and baloney; usually applied at random with a

STRIKE: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
DELAYED PAYMENT: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin.
LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
AUDITOR: Person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.
LAWYER: Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.

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